anam cara.

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 love had a thousand shapes.

 

toi et moi.

you and me forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 ___

*happy first anniversary ummi! --abi. :)

procaffeinating.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"at best, he was feeling frobly-mobly that morning.

    then, he had coffee."

its aqiqah day today.

  

 

 

 

 

 

huhu.. this cute fella here.. i just ended her life today. this is my first time ever for four legged animals. the other one i passed it to my brother to do it. he already used to this. and he was the one who told me to do it myself, "bila lagi kan?" i'm sorry goaty.

 

 

may Allah accept our ibadah and bless our lil guy; yusuf.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

__

pkpb. merotai, belakang rumah. bersama bapak, abang empat dan abang enam.

tsumma Alhamdulillah.

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

mak,
     

i just became a dad last night. my super wife, your lovely daughter-in-law delivered a cute lil boy, your eleventh grandchild(its a complete team of football now!), twenty-five minutes earlier before the date of our own anniversary meeting in this world. but i'm more than happy that he came out safely. happiest birthday. i love us. :')

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

dehydrated.

kopi
air kosong
jus oren

/haus.

kopi panas menjadi dingin
air kosong suam direnangi semut
jus oren aisnya cair 

//haus.

bukan
kipas angin
semut
matahari. 

///haus.

--kenapa tidak diteguk saja ketika semuanya sudah dituang ke dalam gelas?

___
kenapa tidak dibaca saja ketika mukasurat-mukasuratnya sudah diselak? itulah akhirnya; kehausan kata.

this is not who i am. this is not what i want. i'm sorry, but you've mistaken me for somebody else.

oh please. i want to write again. i want to create something again. i want to connect on a deep meaningful level with my inner self, with my wife and with whoever happens to read my writings. i want to write beautiful things that matter and maybe, move people, and of course, above and beyond all, move myself in the process. i want to lose myself in doing something more connecting, in writing down about the things that people can't find words to describe and often ignored; honest feelings and true emotions. daylight tears and midnight laughs. i want to discover and learn new words. i want to construct new paragraphs. and i want to become more me. so, whatever it is that is holding my pen right now, please, i beg you, let me run it again.

the ninth month of hijriah.

usai taraweh ringkas berdua.
tepi tingkap firdausi- kubikel kecil kami.

"you've a lot of draft isn't it? why you didn't post any of them? i'm always waiting for your writing. i miss them."

"yeah. me too.. i guess.. hmm, we'll see how.." 

resolusi ramadhan keempat; menulis.

___
happy ramadhan gaes.

april tujuhbelas.

thank you for being happy, together with me.

thank you for being sad, together with me.
thank you for being okay, together with me.
thank you for being patient when things get hard, together with me.
thank you for being weird, together with me.
thank you for laughing at my lame jokes, together with me.
thank you for going through everything, together with me.
thank you for living here, together with me.

i enjoy doing this life, together with you.

__

selamat ulang tahun, syurga. :)

bereh.

selalu ingat;

nikmat kita lebih berat dari masalah-masalah kita.

trivia at the sky.

I swear by the sun and its brilliant glorious light
and I swear by the moon as it follows the sun

and I swear by the morning time that makes the sun appear at its full glory
and I swear by the night when it covers up the blazing light of the sun

and I swear by the skies, and what an incredible construction it is
and the earth and how incredibly its been leveled out

(91 : 1-6) 

this analogy that Allah is giving, these images that Allah is describing; first, He describes the sun, then He describes the moon, then He describes the day and night; the sky and the earth. all these images, culminates; conclusion of all of these images is for you and me to understand one thing: not the universe outside of us, but the universe inside of us.

and I swear by the nafs, a person, is a remarkable creation
and what an incredible balance he/she is created with

(91 : 7) 

see how the conflict happens in the skies- sun in conflict with the moon, the day in conflict with the night- which is a parallel to the human, a person. the beginning ayahs are making us reflect on the universe, and the fruits of reflecting on them will make us understand ourselves. 

we are in constant struggles- inside. and the question is; how will we achieve those balance in ourselves? or how will we see this-- even through all these perceived conflicting stages above us in the skies- yet they are a means of benefit for us, they are there to bring harmony for us- the human race (imagine this harmony disappeared and the routine of the sun, moon, day  and night rebelled. who would suffer the most? the humans on earth, us, of course..)-- in a perspective of the conflict we experience inside of us. 

__
didengar, dibaca, dikumpul dan ditulis semula.

stay awake.

stay awake
in the dark
open your eyes
until you see
something 

stay awake
in the light
close your eyes
until you feel
something 

stay awake
in the temporary
open your mouth
until you breathe in
something 

stay awake
in the in between
shut your mouth
until you understand
something 

stay awake
in the beginning
open your heart
until you trust
something 

stay awake
in the end
close your heart
until you heal
something

--lala bohang. 

read and seek.

dalam kondisi apa pun kita berada sekarang, sama ada sedang panas atau gerimis, akan sentiasa ada soalan yang perlu kita selesaikan. hal pertama yang perlu kita telitikan adalah soalan itu sendiri. memahami soalan adalah kunci untuk menyelesaikannya.

di dunia akhir zaman ini, soalan-soalan akan semakin banyak, datang entah dari mana saja. fokuslah kepada soalan-soalan yang matang dan bijaksana sahaja, soalan yang dengan berusaha menyelesaikannya kita akan belajar sesuatu. kita tidak punya banyak waktu untuk menjustifikasi mengapa warna putih itu putih atau warna hitam itu hitam.

doa-doa yang terjawab (i).

dia perempuan paling cantik di seluruh semesta- cantik yang rumit tapi indah, begitu abstrak, unik dan tersendiri. cantik yang menenteramkan jiwa yang sedang celaru lalu menyelimutkan keamanan untuk hati yang lelah. cantik yang air matanya mengalir atas deritanya jiwa-jiwa lain lebih daripada deritanya sendiri. cantik yang kedua tangannya sentiasa pemurah memberikan bekas bekalnya tanpa risau ia akan dikembalikan berisi atau tidak, bahkan jika bekas bekal itu tidak dikembalikan sama sekali ia tidak peduli. cantik yang sentiasa berusaha sekeras mungkin menjaga nyalaan api cahayanya supaya keterangan sentiasa ada di sepanjang lorong terowong, bukan untuk dirinya sendiri sahaja, tapi untuk jiwa-jiwa lain yang bersama-samanya juga, yang masing-masing sedang merindukan sinar-sinar harapan dalam perjalanan pulang yang panjang. dia cantik dengan hatinya yang lembut, yang senang mengambil beban orang lain sebagai bebannya sendiri, yang sentiasa cuba untuk membahagiakan orang lain sekalipun sebenarnya dia bahkan sedang bergelut dengan perasaannya sendiri, yang menyimpan kemas risau hatinya sendiri kerana ada hati lain yang sedang ingin ia perdengarkan dan pimpin dalam perjalanannya untuk sembuh. untuk hal-hal sederhana tapi begitu luar biasa bermakna yang ia lakukan untuk jiwa-jiwa yang datang kepadanya; dunia dan para penduduknya akan sentiasa terhutang budi padanya. dia perempuan cantik, yang indah, yang unik, yang tersendiri, yang tidak akan tergantikan, yang dalam jutaan cuma ada dia satu-satunya. semoga Tuhan sentiasa mengasihi perempuan cantik ini, semoga dia terus  tumbuh kuat dan utuh.

febuari empat belas, dua puluh dua puluh-- terima kasih Tuhan; berlalu dua bulan menjalani doa-doa yang terjawab itu.  mimpi realiti ini terasa sungguh benar, manis dan hangat.

familiar views.

sebagai manusia, kita ada di dalam tiga dimensi.

pertama; seperti apa kita memandang diri kita sendiri.

kedua; seperti apa, yang sebenarnya, orang lain memandang kita.

ketiga; kita ingin kelihatan seperti apa pada pandangan orang lain.

kita akan menjadi lebih aman dan tenang dengan semakin dekatnya jarak dan semakin sedikitnya perbezaan antara ketiga-tiga dimensi ini-- fikiran, perasaan dan jasad menjadi lebih harmoni untuk menjalani hidup.

ya, sudah tentu 'pandangan' Tuhan adalah yang perlu diutamakan.

reflections.

"and on the earth are signs

for those who have faith with certainty,

and also in you own selves.

will you not then see?"

51 : 20-21

"indeed, in the creation of

the heavens and the earth

and the alternation of

the night and the day

are signs for those

of understanding."

3 : 190

"do men think that they

will be left alone

on saying,

we believe

and not be tried?"

29 : 20

ku lari ke hutan kemudian menyanyiku, ku lari ke pantai kemudian teriakku.

"sayang rasa, all things that happened in my life so far is just.. natijah doa-doa orang yang beriman untuk sayang,

..like yours." 

"we are, sayang.

..whether we know or we did not know; setiap doa orang kepada/untuk kita adalah amanah- to be a helpful human and to share with others whatever He lends us. and there are only two things in life; either they are a destination or a vehicle. we're on a journey.  you've done great so far. i'm a proud husband. whatever will come up along this path, we'll keep going together, insyaAllah."

---

i like coffee.

but i like you more.

---

(55:1) Ar-Rahman,

(55:2) He taught the qur'an.

---

tempat kesukaanku?

emm, sepertinya tidak ada.

yang ada hanya orang kesukaanku.

bersama orang kesukaanku, di mana pun itu,

tempat itu otomatis menjadi tempat kesukaanku.

---

we keep this love in a photograph

we made these memories for ourselves

where our eyes are never closing

hearts are never broken

and time's forever frozen still.

---

(55:3) He created man.

dear,

as in this verse,

together with our prophet saw,

our parents and families,

know that your existence

is the utmost proof of

Allah as 'ar-Rahman' 

in my life.

:)

that day is already here.

one day someone will come by
and see meaning behind your words
she(he) will understand the wisdom behind your speech
and appreciate your actions
she(he) hears the thoughts behind your silence
and share that love behind those tears

and she(he) will marry those thoughts
she(he)'ll be a companion to your speech
she(he) will partner your actions
and be one with the beautiful silence
she(he)'ll embrace the love behind those tears
she(he)'ll hold to the hands of your shared visions
and walk with you in your travels

she(he) will come by
and complete you

Allah swt knows best.


--one day (the vespa rider | syafakallah, page 79)

335km to your heartbeat.

terima kasih kuala lumpur (dan jogjakarta sebelumnya) kerana telah memelihara dan menumbuhkan perempuan ini dengan penuh cinta. akulah lelaki paling bertuah di dunia untuk menyambutnya ketika dia bahkan mekar subur dengan tunas-tunas bunganya yang berwarna warni.

--hospital kuala lumpur, hujung minggu.

twenty twenty, indeed, is a happy new year.

lalu mataku merasa malu

semakin dalam ia malu kali ini

kadang juga ia takut

tatkala harus berpapasan

di tengah pelariannya

sedikit cemas banyak rindunya.