雨 - ame.

rooftop.

masih tengahari, belum malam lagi.

tapi langit gelap.

maksudnya langit mendung la tu.

angin pun kuat.

lagi-lagi di atas atap.

"hujan."

"kembali."

tap..

tap tap..

tap tap tapp..

tap tap tap tap tap tapp tappp tapppp..

itu bunyi detak air hujan yang sedikit-sedikit turun kemudian terus lebat. sempat turun dari rooftop ke tingkat bawah, yang berbumbung, sebelum lencun. cuma sedikit basah.

"kembali?"

"hujan is kembali."

"from? in?"

"from quran. in at-thariq; eleven."

"wow, ingat." 

"acah-acah.. padahal buka tafsir in a new tab. haha."

"ceh.. so, the ayah please.."

"demi langit yang menurunkan hujan. dalam matan asalnya, in arabic, the word 'rain' referred to the kalimah al-raj'i, *which literally means return."

setiap butir hujan yang jatuh dan menabrak kaca jendela, seperti sedang berlumba sesama mereka untuk menjadi yang paling cepat meluncur jatuh ke bawah. butir yang lebih besar, luncurannya lebih laju berbanding butir-butir yang kecil. faktor graviti. ada juga butir kecil bergabung dengan butir kecil yang lainnya untuk menambah saiz sekaligus berat, menjadikan mereka lebih mudah dan lebih laju meluncur ke bawah.

"air hujan, datang dari bumi. diangkat naik ke langit. kemudian turun, kembali pulang semula ke bumi. tidak kiralah jauh mana daratan tanah mereka tinggalkan atau setinggi mana langit yang mereka duduki sebagai awan, akhirnya ke tanah juga mereka akan kembali apabila tiba masanya. itu fitrah atau sunnatullah hujan."

"so we are."

"but maybe from the opposite departure gate." 

"yup. we came from above, sent down to the earth. and soon will go back to our origin too. thats our fitrah, to return back to Him. langit tidak mahu menyimpan awan selamanya, dan bumi(dunia) tidak akan menyimpan kita selamanya."

"ok, guess what is the best type of rain(raj'i)?"

"type of rain? rain what? rainy days? train? trainee? terrain? brain? drain?"

"dude.. hahaha. rainbow la.. pelangi.. hujan yang pulangnya sempat meninggalkan kegembiraan kepada orang lain."

"ya, betul."

sambung rain gazing.

___

*tafsir al-azhar.

polos.

jika kita kehilangan sesuatu, yang pertama

terlintas dalam fikiran kita adalah di mana atau bila

kali terakhir sesuatu tersebut ada bersama kita.

kemudian kita pergi ke 'kali terakhir' itu.

rasanya, dunia kanak-kanaklah

yang paling banyak menyimpan

'kali terakhir' kita, kan?

___

malam-malam main bunga api,

selamat hari raya aidifitri.

:)

ad-dhuha; three.

the third ayah of surah ad-dhuha start with;
مَا وَدَّعَكَ رَبُّكَ 

the word ما in arabic was used when you want to correct somebody. when you say 'no' to something they said, and you want to correct them. meanwhile, ودع in arabic was used in describing the inside pit of death. a grave side was called ودع. if they build wall around someone's grave and never goes inside it, like a tomb area, they build wall around it and they just never go into it again, this is also called ودع. similarly, ودع was used for as an expression of saying goodbye. meaning something you never come back to. like this gonna be walled off, you never come back to it. this inside pit of death, nobody gonna know what is in there, its gonna be left alone. 

Allah did not abandoned you, Allah did not leave you alone, don't get that wrong. thats the idea of مَا وَدَّعَكَ رَبُّكَ. 

this is for the beloved rasulullah saw, but understand it even for ourselves. there are time where we feel the intensity of iman. there are time where it is easy for tears to rolled down your eyes, for you to feel like you've repented before Allah and you feel a closeness to Him in sajadah, you just don't want to get your head from sajadah. there are time you're standing in prayer and you have an experience that only you know, nobody else except Allah knows. there are those experiences. 

there are time in which you're crying before Allah, confessing before Allah, admitting your fault before Allah, and some of those are the most beautiful moment of your life. and when those moment go away, and maybe sometimes you wander off, and you go so far from that closeness to Allah. and you're done in a place, you're so far from that place now, like.. "man, i wish i can ever feel that again, i used to be good person. i used to be close to Allah, i can barely remember how that felt like but i'm in the dark now. there's no way that.. thats ever gonna come back, i've made so many mistake." 

in this ayah or this surah, Allah is addressing the messenger saw that he, rasulullah saw, is assuming he made a mistake. he doesn't know what it is, of course he didn't made mistake. but in our case, we know what mistake we've made. we know the mishap we've done. there are time we are close to Allah and our heart are touched by the quran. but then we gonna feel like just night(darkness).. and the night just wont end, we're going to feel that way. we know what we've done that harden our hearts and got away from Allah. but even to us Allah azza wa jalla is giving hope. 

the correction comes to everyone of us and its first and foremost comes to the messenger of Allah (saw), the most worthy of it, and that is مَا وَدَّعَكَ رَبُّكَ. 

and then Allah swt add;
وَمَا قَلَى  

dig into this word, another interesting arabic word, قلى. basically they used to called it as a kind of an acid. or its like a detergent. detergent back in the days was used to rub and scrub the clothes but when you're done with it, what you do with the detergent? you wanna washed it off and get rid of it, let it disappear, its not something valued once you've done using it. thats the original image associate with the word قلى something you use, and when its usefulness is done you get rid of it and it is worthless to you, it has no meaning to you anymore. the idea that you have someone very close, but now you want to get rid of them, you want to throw them out. قلى also used in the act of frying something, when there is an unwanted leftover, so you just throw them. 

there are two side of it, Allah is upset, Allah say farewell and Allah see you worthless and therefore He is disappointed with you and you're not worthy to Him anymore. this are the feeling that the believer can get towards Allah. "Allah think i'm worthless, Allah think i have no good left in me." people around you can make you feel that way and you start taking opinion of people and start projecting maybe that is the opinion of Allah on you also. that's the very common mistake we made. and that is something that highlighted in this ayah.

مَا وَدَّعَكَ رَبُّكَ وَمَا قَلَى
--Allah did not abandoned you nor He is upset.

___

extracted from the 'ramadhan with quran' series by ustaz nouman at bayyinah tv. full lecture on the entire surah can be watched here; ad-dhuha. beautiful surah indeed. basically, i just write down what's being said in the lecture and i think i skipped/missed some point. sorry for that and sorry for grammar yang berterabur. tak reti nak repair.