lovely pakcik.

tahiyatul masjid.

azan zuhur.

serak-serak basah suara pakcik laung azan.

qabliyah zuhur.

masjid lengang, tidak seperti selalunya.

paling tidak ada dua tiga pakcik lain.

atau pekerja-pekerja asing.

lima minit berlalu.

pakcik toleh belakang.

sepuluh minit berlalu.

pakcik pandang sekeliling.

lima belas minit.

pakcik bangun.

pakcik bukak lipatan sejadah yang sudah sedia ada di tempat imam.

"nak, iqamat boleh?" 

"boleh pakcik."

aku angkat sejadah yang sedia terhampar melintang di saf pertama, hampar semula arah menegak di sebelah kanan sejadah imam, sedikit ke belakang.

hanya kami berdua, dari mula pakcik angkat takbiratul ihram sampailah pakcik selesai memimpin doa kami berdua selepas tunaikan empat rakaat.

and since then, i can't help but to think about pakcik whenever i can't make it to the mosque. it could be the loneliest day for him. i can only felt so grateful that Allah had chosen me (as i know who i am) to be pakcik's companion that day, to be the one delivering the love from Allah to pakcik. hopefully i delivered it well to you pakcik.

it made me thinks that Allah will never leave His lover, like pakcik, to be alone or feels alone. 

___

*if i live long enough(if Allah wills), i do have an ambition; whatever i'll be doing with or wherever i'll end up in my professional career, as i settled down with life, someday, somewhere, i really want to be a 'tok siak'. to fully devote my remaining time in this world, taking care of His mosque. and i'm not looking for any position in the so called ajk pentadbiran masjid, i just want to be.. seorang tok siak- bukak pintu. sapu lantai. bentang sejadah. cuci tandas. bersihkan tempat wudhuk. laung azan. sediakan talam iftar. susun selipar. tutup suis. yang begitu-begitu. sungguh, selalu ada ketenangan di masjid.

coffee stains.

hmm, how should i tell you about this. nah, i think i'll just leave it raw. anyway, this is from bayyinah- a concise commentary of surah yusuf. the very first part from the total of fifteen.

surah yusuf (surah number 12) is among the most told stories in sunday school culture. but the way it was told, it is so tragic.. it is not told as an exciting things. Allah called it as the best stories(ayah number three). when a muslim teenager or a ten or twelve years old said, "okay.. it is the best stories because Allah said so." then what it's mean is she/he was not convinced. why? because we haven't done enough job in telling the story. 

there is another secret ingredient to this too. today, what's the value of a story? entertainment.

but Allah's call it is the best stories. He put this in a contest. this is the best of something, it is number one. now who are the other contender to the story? every novels, every short stories, every movies, every tv shows, every season and every episode of a tv shows, every piece of poetry that may have a piece of story in it, every cartoons, every comic books, every video games that have story line in it, everything.. they're all in one side. and surah yusuf was on the other side. 

that's a pretty epic challenge. 

you'll not see the value of the story and you'll see that come, on who's gonna give this more ratings than this movie that just came out or that epic saga or whatever else.. right? the problem is one thing, and one fundamental thing only. 

the reason why people gravitate towards the story is an entertainment. we go like.. to see a movie cause it is entertaining. you don't sit there with notes. and you don't sit there  and "there's life lesson there when he stab a guy" or  "the guy kick him in the face.. there's another wisdom to be learnt." you see.. it's an action movie.. watching it like.. it was pretty awesome.. "i've got see that scene again.." there's nothing beyond the entertainment value. 

and entertainment is very flailing, in other word it doesn't last. the nature of entertainment is you don't normally get entertained by the same things too many time over and over again. so, if you already seen it, if you already heard it, the next time around you'll not get entertained by this much because you.. the anticipation, the anxiousness of what gonna happen next, the mystery it is all already been solved. you know like.. when you're watching a thriller or mystery movie or something.. they don't solve the puzzle until the very last scene. but since you already known what gonna happen or when your horrible friend, who already told you what gonna happen when the movie starts, "oh thats the killer." and you was like "seriously?" if that's the case then no entertainment for you. 

now the quran by necessity, it was repeated a lot. like we're gonna repeat this story a lot. which means the idea, the sentiment, the attitude we have to all stories which is "i already heard this.. i already know what's gonna happen.. so no mystery to me.." it's very natural if we bring that attitude to the story in the quran. it's not unnatural cause.. that's the story. 

the change and the appreciation will come when we understand something that Allah bring out at the end of this surah. Allah said, in the story there are emotionally moving lessons(ayah number one hundred eleven). ibrah(in this ayah) comes from ayn ba ra- ma'abarah means to cross water. ibrah also used when you learn a lesson so moving to you that a tear from your eye crosses over. in other word you can't hold the tear anymore. it is that emotionally moving. 

Allah said, in the story, if you're paying attention, you gonna find your own story. it's gonna relate so well and it's gonna moved you to tears. that's what He's saying. in another words, when you reading this story it's like you're reading your own story. 

ah, i don't think we have enough time and space here to go through everything in details. so, i'll just keep things original and simple as it is. so, this is from another lecture, but not from the same session or medium as above. still, the speaker is the same- nak. a long lecture and this part i captured below is somewhere in the middle.

i love the story of yusuf a.s particularly. because of the goodness(khair) in it. all those years his father(yaakob a.s) cried, yes? his father almost lost his eyesight and eventually he became blind from crying. but all this time where was yusuf a.s? yusuf a.s was in a prison. he was a child servant. when he got old enough he was thrown into prison. he spent many of his years in jail. so either he served as a servant or he served as a prisoner inmate in jail. not a good life. that's not a good life. but at the end of it all when he interprets the dream of a king, and that dream means that the entire economy is going to collapse in seven years. and people are going to die from starvation, the only one who knows how to handle that crisis was yusuf a.s. 

had he not been in jail he would have never helped the king. if yusuf a.s was with his father the whole time that never would have happened. but now yusuf a.s is there to interpret the dream and says "i am the one who can take care of this responsibility." "make me the treasury secretary." "give me the responsibility" when he does that and he take care of it, what happens next? what happens next is thousands if not hundreds of thousands of parents don't have to cry that their children died of starvation. one father cried for several years. but his tears, Allah made them a way of saving thousands of family from crying. because if he didn't save that economy, and he didn't save that crop, the entire land would have been in drought. and people would've died of starvation and war would've happened. all kinds of crisis would've happened. 

sometimes the difficulty you go through isn't just better for you, maybe through your difficulty you will become an ongoing charity for so many others. you don't even know. you might not understand today or tomorrow but eventually Allah will reveal why you went through everything you did.

yeah, that's it.

hospitalized sunday.

here again.

brick facade covered general hospital.

emergency department.

the numbers written in the coupon given by the regisration counter is one zero zero four. and so does the digital numbers displayed on the electrical led board hanging above the door frame with the 'yellow zone' mark. i stood up and pushed afq's wheelchair into the room. the last time here, i was with fhn. he's fully recovered now, alhamdulillah.

i stayed inside with afq as he almost totally immobile with his injured knee that he broke yesterday after he tried kicking a ball in cristiano ronaldo's style. what a mess this dude. the doctor, a houseman i supposed, performed the triage for afq. a black stethoscope was put on top of some form in red colour that have a human anatomy illustration printed on it.

"i suspect you tore your meniscus. worry not. nothing serious here. you'll not be warded or need to undergo any surgery." 

"so, this is not an a-c-l (anterior cruciate ligament)?" 

"no, i don't think so. but anyway, i need  an x-ray of your knee." 

"and where can i get that?"

the doctor left and later came back with a piece of written paper. there were stamps of her name and designation as well as her boss on the paper. oh, i was right. she's in housemanship. you're doing fine doctor. well done and keep going.

"here. take this and pass it to the radiology department. come back here later with the x-ray film." 

i pulled afq's wheelchair out from the yellow zone room and head to the radiology department building, which was separated from the main building. it was a single-storey building accross the back road. from there, we can see the backside of the main building of the hospital. i think this hospital had already became my second favorite building. why? later. afq just finished his photoshoot session.

back to ed. passed the x-ray film to the doctor and we were told to wait outside while she consults her boss. after a while, she called us in and shared the final verdict.

"we'll half-cast your leg to minimize its movement for protection from any further damage as we'll refer your case to the orthopedic department for further diagnosis and necessary treatment. so, we'll provide you with painkillers and medication lotion you can apply to your knee."

at some isolated treatment room or maybe a casting lab, applying asbestos plaster cast on afq's leg was a medical assistant in full black and white uniform, and assisting him, were two excited medical trainees wearing white coat with their medical college name embedded at the chest. emm, maybe they're not here to assist but more to learn by hands on experience.

done at the ed, we went to the pharmacy, just nearby the ed inside of the main building to get paracetamols and another more powerful painkiller(i forgot the name) and some lotions. 

then lastly, we headed to the orthopedic department, situated at the polyclinic pink-painted building, about a hundred meters to the right of the main building, only to book an appointment there. yes, i pushed this messed up dude(syafakallah afq) on a worn out hospital's wheelchair with the scorching sun enlighten our path, only to book afq's date with the busy orthopedician. luckily i'm no candle prince, i'm a construction guy. no big deal, already used to this heated weather temperature. oh ya, we even need to pass through the parking gate where we almost took the paid parking ticket because the wheelchair have four wheels. literally. haha. 

sudden flashback. somehow, i remember  once during my highrise construction site life, i climbed scaffolding access up to the 20th floor(current highest floor) to meet our civil and structure (c&s) consultant only to be told to go down again and bring up another drawing. not once, but twice. it happens quite a lot i think that time. not until i learned to be more detail on each drawing i supposed to hold at the site. to study them critically before delivering any command to the workers or before i went for inspection with the consultant and the client.

while waiting at the queue exiting the hospital gate, i took one last glance. looking at the hospital building, it always physically looks well build. but who knows how much troubles and difficulties the construction team goes through to build it up as it is now. and the hospital building always looks calm from the outside, but who knows how emotionally hectic it was inside. i guess no one will understand the struggles but those who are actually part of the inside system.

utilitas, firmitas et venustas.

a great example.