lovely pakcik.

tahiyatul masjid.

azan zuhur.

serak-serak basah suara pakcik laung azan.

qabliyah zuhur.

masjid lengang, tidak seperti selalunya.

paling tidak ada dua tiga pakcik lain.

atau pekerja-pekerja asing.

lima minit berlalu.

pakcik toleh belakang.

sepuluh minit berlalu.

pakcik pandang sekeliling.

lima belas minit.

pakcik bangun.

pakcik bukak lipatan sejadah yang sudah sedia ada di tempat imam.

"nak, iqamat boleh?" 

"boleh pakcik."

aku angkat sejadah yang sedia terhampar melintang di saf pertama, hampar semula arah menegak di sebelah kanan sejadah imam, sedikit ke belakang.

hanya kami berdua, dari mula pakcik angkat takbiratul ihram sampailah pakcik selesai memimpin doa kami berdua selepas tunaikan empat rakaat.

and since then, i can't help but to think about pakcik whenever i can't make it to the mosque. it could be the loneliest day for him. i can only felt so grateful that Allah had chosen me (as i know who i am) to be pakcik's companion that day, to be the one delivering the love from Allah to pakcik. hopefully i delivered it well to you pakcik.

it made me thinks that Allah will never leave His lover, like pakcik, to be alone or feels alone. 

___

*if i live long enough(if Allah wills), i do have an ambition; whatever i'll be doing with or wherever i'll end up in my professional career, as i settled down with life, someday, somewhere, i really want to be a 'tok siak'. to fully devote my remaining time in this world, taking care of His mosque. and i'm not looking for any position in the so called ajk pentadbiran masjid, i just want to be.. seorang tok siak- bukak pintu. sapu lantai. bentang sejadah. cuci tandas. bersihkan tempat wudhuk. laung azan. sediakan talam iftar. susun selipar. tutup suis. yang begitu-begitu. sungguh, selalu ada ketenangan di masjid.

of writings.

i'm not good with words.

if i tell you that i've erased words more than i wrote them, 

will you believe me?

you may ask, how is that even possible?

we can only erase something that was already written.

as you re-read the statement earlier,

you became more convinced that, 

it is mathematically not logic.

yes, you're right.

i'm not writing anything.

so, there's nothing to erase here.

because,

my story,

and yours,

were never ours,

for us,

to write,

or to erase,

or to re-write,

any words,

in it.

it was His,

The Greatest of Writer.

written;

perfectly.

i realized..

up until today, i still owe You a lot of 'astaghfirullah',
and yet there are many things that i didn't 'alhamdulillah' for.

o Allah, please guide me.

06 syawal 1440 hijrah | merotai.

eid mu-burasak.

pepatah bugis ada mengatakan,

sompe' ko nak, musappai sitongenna alemu
sompe' ko nak, na muisseng riaseng uddani

dan saban tahun, syawal adalah waktu untuk
kembali kepada makna-makna ini.

___
lao massappa deceng, lisu mappadeceng.

of gratitude.

o Allah, You humbles me in the most beautiful way.

:')

alternate reality.

"it's okay to be tired as long as you're not tired with Allah."